I’m in somewhat of a frustrated mood, so you will have to excuse the snappier-than-usual attitude which this post will contain. Or, if you enjoy snappiness, you’re welcome. /warning
Customers really grill my cheese sometimes. I hate nothing more than those last minute, indecisive-as-hell orders that I can do nothing about but smile and say “thank you” for their business (an alarming number of people respond with “you’re welcome”).
But there’s one type of customer that burns my biscuit (I’m not sure what’s up with all the food analogies today) more than any other: the “can-you-throw-away-my-trash-for-me?” bunch.
There are no trash cans outside of our shopping center. If a customer wants to throw something away, they really don’t have many options apart from a) take it home with them and dispose of it there (most don’t choose this option), b) ask me to toss it for them, or c) leave the trash sitting in the restaurant because I’m just a servant anyway.
Now, I usually don’t mind throwing away their trash if they’ve eaten their food and want to throw away Pizza Hut related trash. That’s cool. It’s when they come into the restaurant with trash that they’ve had in their cars, at their previous stop, whatever, that really annoys me.
The grossest thing ever may have been when some guy came in to pick up his pizza with what looked like a used tissue in his hand.
“Can you throw this away for me?” he asked. I tried not to vomit.
So instead of being an ass, I picked up our trashcan and held it out so that he could dispose of whatever the fuck was balled up in that tissue. And instead of a “thank you so much, young lady,” he said something else.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT HE SAID?!
“You didn’t want to touch that, did you?”
Really?! No! I didn’t want to touch your nasty used tissue. I don’t know what it was used on, but I have a mind and I can imagine. I did not want to contract some kind of rare African disease — or even the common cold, mind you — from some random dude off the street’s nasty tissue. So no, sir, I did not want to touch your gross trash and you’re very welcome that I was kind enough to even let you throw it away. Ew.
Another thing that grosses me out is the fact that so many people put their dollar bills in their mouths before they spend them! That’s grosser for them than it is for me, the cashier. These people clearly do not consider how many people may have snorted a line of cocaine with that bill, or how many times it’s been put into a stripper’s thong. Or even in other people’s mouths. If you’re doing it, you can damn well assume that other people have as well. Money is so gross. Cocaine, stripper’s butt cracks, and saliva. I mean, seriously, what a combination.
And for the people who just leave their trash for me to pick up without even so much as a word: you can all go suck on my metaphorical penis, because that’s a dick move. For reals.