As of March 11th, I will have lived in Tennessee for six months.
To be honest, I’m still not sure how I feel about it. I expected to know by now, but life is a confusing and complicated thing. I’m also incredibly indecisive in general, so dealing with something as life changing as moving to another state is not something that I could entirely get my head around.
The one thing I do know now that I hesitated to admit to myself back in Virginia is that I absolutely hated my prior job. Working where I did — in an insurance customer service call center — was incredibly suffocating and mentally draining. There were days when I would wake up and honestly have a mini panic attack just because I dreaded going into work so much. Sometimes it made me cry. I didn’t realize how abnormal that was.
The company I worked for paid me well, offered good benefits, and treated its employees fairly. When I started, I found some really great friends very easily that made the job a little less grating. Unfortunately, that wasn’t enough. And eventually, those friends found other jobs or other positions that left me pretty much alone with a myriad of shitty customers that berated me regularly about things that weren’t my fault.
Getting out of that job is probably the best thing I’ve ever done for my health. My current job, though not my dream job by any means, is so much less stressful. The only issue I have with going to work these days is that it interrupts my sleep. I like my coworkers and I’m comfortable.
But I really miss so many things about Virginia. I miss my friends. I haven’t really made friends in Tennessee. I am friendly with my coworkers, but I don’t hang out with any of them outside of work.
It’s kind of sad how little you talk to people when you no longer see them every day. I’ve kept up with a couple of friends pretty well, but for the most part people are so busy that communication becomes rare. That’s no one’s fault, but it makes me feel like I’m on the outside looking in on something I used to be a part of… and that’s depressing sometimes. I feel like I’ve missed out on a lot. Two of my couple friends have gotten engaged and I only got to congratulate them via social media.
I also miss going to my favorite places… my favorite Mexican restaurant, getting food at Sheetz (if you have Sheetz in your area you are lucky), going to my favorite movie theater, and driving down my favorite streets. My friends will make fun of me for that last thing. But after delivering pizzas for 5+ years, I developed a kind of odd love for the city’s geography. I am visiting soon and am excited to see some of my favorite spots.
So far, I’ve hesitated to get my own apartment because I’m afraid that signing a lease will be the wrong thing for me. I’m still not convinced that living in Tennessee is what I want to do permanently, but it is my only option at the moment. I’m still waiting for that opportunity of a lifetime to come around, but it has not yet reared its head.
Basically, I am just as sure of my future as I was six months ago when I blindly took a bold leap and moved 300 miles. Which is to say, not sure at all.
Once again, I have a new video in my vlogging series that is titled That Tiny Vlog Series. This week I’m answering 10 random questions posed to me by my vlogging partner, Tim. Check it out below: